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12/5/2018

The Obstacle is The Way! Taking Action In Spite of the Odds

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Home valuation appraiser podcast-Blaine feyen-the obstacle is the way
This week’s episode was birthed from a dip into the value syndicate mail bag and a very common question that I get from more than a few of the Value Syndicate members so I figured ‘let’s talk about it!’ Since the name of the podcast is The Real Value Podcast and we talk often about adding value where we can, the question is typically about the how’s and where’s regarding value, as in, how can I add value and where can I add value. I love this question the most out of all the questions I ever get because it is a sign that people are really listening, that they care, that they want to add value, and that they might just be about to do something! And that gets me really excited because I am all about action. 

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Being that this is a podcast, which means you can only listen to it, you are only able to hear theory, ideas, concepts, and hopefully a little of my tone as I deliver them. What you don’t get is the physicality behind the tone and you obviously don’t get to see anything with your eyes so its real easy to just listen, do nothing, and go about your day. And while I am kinda ok with that because at least you're listening, my hope is always that I may be spark some inspiration, some motivation, and maybe some innovation in your business and life to take some action and move some things forward. As I say at the end of every episode, I hope I’ve added some value to your life and business and I implore you to go do the same.  
  
I talked in a previous episode that I am a big fan of making incremental improvements in things over time which adds up to lots of little things being accomplished instead of massive overhauls of your life and business. I know from experience that many people stay stuck and stagnant because they see where they want to be, or at least have some vague notion that they don’t like where they are at the moment, but they only see the distance between where they are today and where they may want to be and the chasm is so big that they stay stuck in today. This reality is rooted in the Chinese proverb from Laozi that a ‘journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step’. In essence, regardless of where you have to or want to go, you must take some action, however big or small, to get there.  
  
As many of you should know by now, I am also a believer and long time practitioner of the art and science of creating my own reality based on what I think, feel, and do. It is often referred to as the law of attraction, prosperity thinking, wishful thinking, the law of magnetism, the law of positive thinking and a whole mixed bag of other names. The problems most people have with what they think they know about the topic is that its often misrepresented as simply wishing for something to be, believing its coming to you, and then sitting around waiting for Amazon or FedEx to deliver it and that’s simply not how the practice and belief system works. The main ingredient in almost every thought process or practice that aims to get results is the action part. While I do spend vital time imagining, visualizing, creating, and planning, I also know that the next key step is to get off my ass and start taking steps toward its attainment. There is nothing in the teachings of the principles of the mind that suggest one just has to think, dream, imagine, and then wait. They all demand action as one of the key steps in the creation process!  
  
Even if one is vehemently opposed to any ideas or suggestions regarding creating one’s own reality by first creating it in the mind, one can never be opposed to taking action on one’s goals and desires lest they deny themselves the outcomes of those very goals and desires. What an irony to have goals, dreams, and desires yet never take any steps toward making them a reality. By the way, if you’re one of those people who says all that other stuff is hocus pocus and wishful thinking but you have goals and desires that you’re working toward, you too are a believer in the universal principle that we become what we think about. If you're actively working toward something that you first imagined in your mind, you’re participating in and making use of the principles that are available to every one of us, you just may call it something different, which is completely fine, by the way. It doesn’t matter what you call it, its active and working at this very moment whether you know it or not, believe it not, care about it or not, hate it or not, or simply disregard it altogether. That’s the very irony of it all! What we resist persists and all of the thoughts we have about things are, in a very real sense, goals and desires whether you know it or not.  
  
You see, your mind (and by the way, when I use the word mind I am referring to something distinctly different from your brain. The word mind encompasses both the subconscious and conscious aspects of your brain and body functions, as well as the emotional component that talk of just the brain often leaves out). Your mind doesn’t know the difference between positive and negative, good or bad, right or wrong, up or down, one dollar or a a million dollars. Those are all functions of the conscious brain, rational judgment, and the meaning we consciously give to things. Your subconscious mind, however, will take any thoughts and suggestions you give it and send you down the path as if it’s a goal that must be attained whether it’s positive or negative, healthy or dangerous for you, or good for your overall wellbeing or not. The problem is not whether you believe in all of this or not, the problem is that its happening whether you know it or not.

I’ve said in previous episodes that we can all know a lot about a person simply by asking a few key questions and understanding their answers based on the language they use in their responses. This is because much of the language we use on a daily basis is formed from our beliefs and the words we use every day reinforce those belief system. I can know in a very short period of time whether an individual will be successful or struggle based on the language they use to describe their day. You can know in less than 30 seconds whether the person has any money in the bank or not, what they likely earn in a year, and whether or not they’ll keep any of it by listening to how they answer questions about grocery shopping. 
 
  
Everything that happens happens at the very least twice. It first occurs as a thought and then again as some kind of action or response in the world. You have negative thoughts about the bills and then get reminded in the real world by the envelopes on the counter or a new bill in the mailbox or a scan of your bank account to remind you how little you have or you see an ad about rising gas or housing costs or you go on facebook and see reinforcing voices telling you just how right you are for being scared, negative, cautious, and depressed. You see, everything we entertain in our minds is, in a sense, a goal that requires some kind of supporting evidence and when we think it, we inadvertently see, hear, smell, and feel all kinds of supporting evidence for the thought. Part of the reason is because we like to be right and the other reason is because, as humans, we are pattern seeking and magnetic. We look for clues and patterns in our environment to give us some meaning and reassurance that the thoughts, feelings, and beliefs we hold are the right ones…even if they aren’t. We will always attract to us evidence to support our beliefs whether negative or positive, empowering or not. 
  
Lest I digress into a whole episode about the power of creative thinking and the magic of visualization, this episode is about action. The question I so often get from the great listeners of this podcast is, in a sense, about taking some kind of action. As in, what should I be doing to…X, which is followed by something like ‘get more clients’, or ‘add more value for my clients’, or ‘improve my processes in the office’, or ‘get more out of my trainees’. And these are all awesome questions which lead to great discussions with some of you and then the story ends. At least for me. Because I never really know if you hang up the phone or close out of your email conversation with me and actually do the things I’m suggesting you do to solve your issue or take your business to the next level. I shouldn’t say I never know. Some of you do follow up with me and tell me about what you did based on our discussion and what the results were. But often times, I never know if you actually took some action to solve the problem, make the change, take advantage of the opportunity, or implement the idea that was suggested.  
  
When I was teaching martial arts and zen 4 days a week, I had the opportunity to see the results of what I was teaching. I could see results because I was seeing the same people, more or less, several times each week and, if I suggested they do something, I could see or discuss the following week if they had actually done it. What I learned from that experience, as well as the experience of running several businesses and managing and motivating other people in those settings, is that a very small percentage of people will ever actually take some kind of action on things they say they want. This is just the harsh reality of the human experience, by the way, and an example of how we will almost always seek comfort over discomfort and consent over the experience of pressure and going against the herd. It’s baked into our DNA as a species to follow the herd, look for patterns that reassure our beliefs (however wrong, disempowering, and negative they may be) and not stand out from the crowd.  
  
One of the natural consequences of this follower gene, if you will, is to play it safe and put off taking any action that may separate us from the pack. The seeds of procrastination were sown long ago, before we were even born, and then reinforced by eons of waiting to see what everybody else was going to do before taking any action. Those of you who have mastered the art of taking action know that, when you become the kind of person who dreams up something and then takes action on it, you find yourself breaking from the herds you were once part of. This is because there are very few herds that will actively and excitedly push other members of the herd higher.

Survival of the group depends on group cohesion and on keeping members of the herd where they are, comfortable in their position within the herd. Be very careful what herd you choose to be part of and never be afraid to break from one in an effort to move higher. The herds you become part of as you move forward and upward will become much smaller but they also become much more accepting of the idea that the smaller and more elite the herd, the stronger and more empowering it is for each member. Members of the new smaller herd will actually be encouraged to keep taking action less the herd be saddled with a weak member that slows the rest of the herd down. Choose your herd carefully!
 
  
The most common causes of not taking action are typically fear of failure, excessive perfectionism where you wont take action until all of the stars align and you know you can do it absolutely perfectly (which never happens, by the way), and just simply laziness. Maybe you lack focus, you’re a low energy person and don’t really feel like it at the moment, whatever it is that keeps you from executing on something, its time to figure it out. Actually, I’ll be a little harsher with my words. Its either time to figure out what keeps you from moving forward or shut up about it. That’s basically what I told my students who came to me regularly with some kind of problem or reason they couldn’t (or wouldn’t) do something OR they were asking for insight or input on how to accomplish something. If they came to me more than once with the same issue and I could see that no action was taken the first time around, I would simply say that ‘what you allow, you can never complain about. Either change it or shut up about it’. You either accept that you’re allowing this thing to occur and then accept the challenge to change it, or you never complain about it again and just accept that it’s the way things are for you. The choice is always yours.

If you complain about something twice though, you're simply trying to reinforce all the reasons that you cant change it so that you feel justified in your helpless state. If you have asked the question in the past about how to change your life or business and then never followed the advice of the person asked, don’t worry, you’re simply part of the triple 9 club, the 99.9% of people who will never do what is suggested 
to move them out of their current situation and into a potentially better situation. And the reason they don’t move is not always because they’re lazy, that’s one of the reasons, but its typically because they have to move through pain and discomfort to get to the new level. They would rather stay where they are and bitch about it then have to move, take action not knowing what the future holds, and maybe be worse off for taking the action. So instead, they stay where they are rationalizing about why they like where they are and how its better here than over there. The known is better and safer than the unknown, even if the known is a stairway to a room with no way out.  
  
Have you ever read stories or seen videos of people who have missing limbs or severe disabilities doing something amazing? Have you seen the guy with no legs and literally just a torso with arms doing push ups, dips, and gymnastics, or the guy with one leg doing squats and deadlifts, or the girl that got her arm bit off by a shark while surfing out surfing again months later? Have you seen or heard Dave Roever speak about how something like 70% of his flesh was blown off and burned when a white phosphorous grenade blew up in his face in Vietnam? He’s an international speaker with his own foundation and a successful speaking and gospel singing career. Have you heard of Nick Vujicic (Voo-ya-chitch), the Australian man with no arms or legs who plays soccer, swims, fishes, and basically leads a normal life, in fact, a life more rich and fulfilling than 99% of people with all of their limbs and faculties. There is absolutely no reason whatsoever that any one of us wastes even one minute worrying about what could happen when it hasn’t happened yet. In fact, we tend to give our attention and focus to things that are so statistically unlikely to happen like plane crashes, terrorist events, and falling into an open sewer grate and completely overlook (accept) the more dangerous and likely occurrences like getting lung cancer from smoking, dying in a car crash from texting, and regretting that you never took action on what you say you want.  
  
Its time to take some action my friends! The small incremental actions you take today toward whatever it is you want, and hopefully what you want is something that is better than what you are experiencing now, will have much more far reaching effects over a period of time than procrastinating about making some huge life change or accomplishing some audacious goal. If the thought of the gap between where you are today and where you want to be is too big right now to deal with…don’t. Take some small action today in that direction though. Taking action is a muscle that needs to be taught, trained, and exercised.

Taking action is actually a perishable skill which means it decreases the less we utilize it. The less you take action, however big or small, the less you want to take action. The next day comes and now you feel bad about not taking action and say, ahh, I’ll do it tomorrow since tomorrow is supposed to be better weather anyways. And now you’re actually reinforcing the muscle of not taking action. The action taking muscle atrophies and it gets harder and harder each day not to take some kind of action, however big or small. 
 
  
Now, I know what some of you are saying, “but Blaine, I don’t even know what direction I’m supposed to be moving in”, to which I say , “good, that’s a start!”. Its part of the problem and where most people stay, but at least you’re thinking about it and focusing on it. Its what you do with the lack of a vision that will determine where you go next. If you stop there and just keep repeating the story that you don’t know what you’re supposed to be doing or where you’re supposed to be headed, you’re only telling me about how you think and process things, you’re not saying anything about the possibilities. If you had the thought today, “hey, I want to head to Florida to escape the cold weather in Michigan”, you’d have the seeds of a plan. If you stop with just the thought, you’ve only told us about how you process information. The possibility of actually getting there is the next step.

What would you do if you really wanted to go there? Well, you’d likely have to confront your schedule, your finances, your obligations and responsibilities, and then look at a map. You cant actually see Florida from Michigan but you can 
look on a map or globe and start to envision the routes you might take to get there. These are the seeds of a plan. If you stop there, the seeds stop growing too. If you really want to go there you address each one of those categories and you push the plan forward one more little step. Each step of the way you’re confronted with obstacles and more than enough reasons to not do it. Your schedule: oh, I cant take time off, I’m too busy, I need the money, I’ll lose clients, my competition will take over, and a dozen other things we tell ourselves. The cost: oh, I can afford that. There’s the airfare, the rental car, the gas, the time, the loss of business, the new clothes I’d have to buy. The responsibilities: oh, I have kids, work, school, bills, obligations.  
  
Now we’re cooking! You can stop there and the seeds stop too. But if you stop there, be sure to shut up about it and never mention it or complain about it again because every time you complain about it you are giving vital attention, energy, and focus to things that will only sap your energy and take you off the path of actually experiencing the very thing you said you wanted. Remember, whatever we give our attention, energy, and focus to will attract all manner of evidence to support it. Do you want it or don’t you? If you do, then take some small step toward achieving it. Write it down. Think through all the reasons why you cant do it and then turn every single one of those reasons into why you need to do it! If you stop at the reasons you cant, shut up about it. I know that’s not the answer people want or expect to hear but it’s the reality of your experience here.

If you want more, want to be more, want to experience more, want to have more, want to do more, then you first have to accept that you have complete control over you experiencing it. But Blaine, the economy and the market and the industry and the… and the… and the…nope, every one of those reasons not to do something are actually the very reasons TO do something! Or at least contain the seeds of the reasons to do something. The economy is turning? Good, that means airfare wars and cheaper flights! The market has turned and we’re slowing down. Perfect! Great time to take a trip to Florida to do some business planning and strategic thinking. Oh by the way, write some of it off in the process since you’re going to visit a few of the most successful companies in your industry and learn how they do it. Our industry is in trouble, I cant go to Florida now! Great, then put on your cape and go save it! I cant save a whole industry Blaine! Great, then shut up and start packing your suitcase for Florida! 
 
  
One of my business mentors was very fond of a particular tactic in business meetings whereby whenever he would make a suggestion or propose an idea that, at first, seemed unrealistic to the group, and most of them were by the way, the first person to speak up about why it couldn’t be done would get a response from him that sounded like this, “thank you for volunteering Blaine, I appreciate your willingness to help advance this project and I look forward to seeing your report on all of the other people and companies already doing what I’ve proposed somewhere in the world”. And while this tactic did have a somewhat quieting effect, meaning it might discourage people from speaking up in future meetings, that particular group was the leadership team and there jobs were to make shit happen. What his tactic ultimately did was to teach all of us over a period of time that there was no such thing as ‘Can’t’, so best not to suggest why it can’t be done and instead, quickly move to all of the reasons it CAN be done and use the Can’ts as the impetus to make it happen. From his mentorship I learned very quickly to adopt this thinking on my own and use it with others as a way to also teach them the value of finding the way instead of focusing on the why not. Action was the word of the day, week, and month and there is never a break from it. Yes, you can take vacations, rest and recovery days, and long weekends, that’s not the point. The point is to change the way you see the world and always be taking some kind of action.  
  
You see, everything you will come up with as reasons not to do something contain the very reasons to do it. Its called clarity through contrast and its one of the ways strategic thinkers, creators, and great visualizers use the things they don’t want to give them clarity on what they do want. Most people stop and focus on what they don’t want. They simply stop there. They hear or see something on the news, they feel fear or despair or helplessness and that’s where they stay.  You’re different though because you don’t stop there. You say to yourself, “Nope! Not going to stay in this shitty mood and feeling of helplessness”. You examine what it is making you think and feel the way you do and then you flip the script. If something tells you you cant, don’t stop there. Ask yourself, “well how could I?”. If something makes you feel shitty or helpless, don’t stop there, say to yourself, “well I know I don’t like this feeling so how DO I want to feel?”. If the little voice in your head says, “you cant do that”, don’t stop there, ask yourself, “well what CAN I door HOW can I do it?”. And when you turn this clarity through contrast exercise into a habit you have just taken some action steps toward making a difference. A difference in your life, your business, and the lives of others by becoming a person of action and solutions thinking instead of just somebody who focuses on all the reasons something cant be done.  
  
I talked about the Stoics in the Thanksgiving episode because the philosophy of the Stoics resonates with me and my prior experiences and has given me a view of life and the world that allows me to take action with no real fear of failure or of being wrong. The stoics followed three primary principles which are the discipline of perception, the discipline of action, and the discipline of will. The discipline of perception basically says there is no good or bad, merely perception. How we perceive something determines what we do with that thing and how it will affect our lives. The discipline of will basically says that we don’t control what happens to us, we can only control how we respond to it. If you feel helpless because things are happening TO you, you’ll feel helpless to take any action to change those things.

Once you make the subtle shift to perceiving that things are just happening, and you drop the 'TO you' part, then you’re free to choose a path of response with no emotional baggage weighing you down. And the final principle is the discipline of action which is, as the name implies, simply about taking action. There’s no magic, no special incantations or prayers needed, and no special position of station in life that guaranteed one health, wealth, and happiness. Action is the equalizer between the haves and have nots. Taking action is the surest way to leave one’s current situation and move to another level, place, position, mind set, physical state, or whatever one wishes to do, be and have in life, taking action is the only way. 
 
  
Marcus Aurelius is famous for saying, ‘The impediment to action advances the action, what stands in the way becomes the way’. In essence, the obstacle IS the way! Don’t look for the easy path, seek out the obstacles because they are sign posts toward prosperity.  
  
Thank you for spending yet another hour of your most precious currency my friends, your time! I will always place the utmost value on your investment of that time with me but it is ultimately up to you what you do with the return on your investment. Take some action today toward the advancement of some of the things you’ve been talking about or thinking of doing. They don’t have to be huge steps, just little ones, but move a little bit closer to the place you feel in your heart you need to be. Next week we’ll discuss 5 things you can do to add value for your clients above and beyond the actual work that you do. 
  
 I’ll leave you with two quotes, the first from Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe: Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do. Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it! And the last from W.H. Murray: Concerning all acts of initiative and creation there is one elementary truth — that the moment one definitely commits oneself then divine providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred and which no man could have dreamed would have come their way 
  
Thank you my friends, I look forward to hanging out with you all again next week…I’m out ​

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    Blaine Feyen is the founder and CEO of the Real Value Group, a real estate appraisal and training firm in Grand Rapids, MI.

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